I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
