The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
