Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Rumble strips road head = magical
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
