Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
