i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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