I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want her autograph on my taint
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
how does that bad decision feel?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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