Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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