Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
