I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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