Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Say something about gay babies.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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