Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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