his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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