so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
there's paper in my vomit.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just puked most of my soul out..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
