I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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