omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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