Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
