Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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