I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
