she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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