just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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