I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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