He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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