Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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