wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
