Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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