Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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