so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
