accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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