He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
