Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
