I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
