When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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