1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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