i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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