guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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