ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
