don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
