Plan B is the new Plan A
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
