just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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