morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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