therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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