he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We smell like vodka and hangover
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