you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
