i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
