I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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