ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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