There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
