Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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