She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
