she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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