guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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