nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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